The Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is out.


First of all, I’m not supposed to have flashbacks to when I read The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter, right? This is supposed to be based on someone’s Twilight fan fiction and not the Bluebeard story? Because the trailer certainly makes it look like Christian Grey is murdering women and hiding the bodies in his Red Room.

…What? I learn things from the internet and that one billboard in Alabama.

I’m also a little disappointed in Beyoncé for this. ‘Crazy In Love’ now sounds like a stalker anthem not unlike Garbage’s ’No. 1 Crush’ from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack. Well, I guess works better than ‘Partition,’ which is at least consensual crazy sex. Can’t be doing safe, sane, and consensual here. No sir.

And maybe this last point is just me, but no one in this film looks devastatingly attractive? I thought Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele were supposed to be these extremely beautiful individuals? Ana looks kind of normal, but not in that way they try to make Anne Hathaway look normal in the beginning of The Devil Wears Prada. As for Jamie Dornan, he’s got abs for days, but his face doesn’t really do it for me. Granted, neither does Charlie Hunnam really, so maybe I’m just hard to please.

(Insert sigh of relief here that Hunnam is not in this film and that we’re getting a Pacific Rim 2. Poor Max Martini though…)

Still, if you’re into movies based on books that were slightly reworked from someone’s badly written fan fiction, 50 Shades of Grey comes on on February 13, 2015. If you want to read better adventures of a Sex Batman, Sex Criminals #6 is out now with #7 coming out on August 13, 2014.

0 thoughts on “The Fifty Shades of Grey Trailer Does A Bad Job of Convincing Me It's Not A Horror Film”

  1. I haven’t read any of the books, but the movie trailer definitely gives off a creepy vibe. If I knew nothing about the books I would have thought this was a Psyco-esque film depicting the deranged mind of a serial killer that likes torturing women.

  2. Oh. My. God. It really does look like a trailer for a horror film! Now there’s nothing wrong with BDSM… as long as it’s done with consent and safety. Anyone who’s read the books and is in their right mind knows that Mr. Grey is an abusive psychopath, probably he hates women (but he’s surely one of those guys who’s all: “I looooove ladies”… for their boobs and genitals, perhaps). Anastasia doesn’t even get to sign the contract, yet he does those things to her. He constantly inflicts emotional and physical pain on her, without her consent, and apparently she’s just too weak and in love to say no. The idea that this is something erotic or romantic annoys me. It’s sexual abuse and domestic violence! The fact that they’ve made a movie out of it is kind of… disgusting. And I agree with you: none of them look really good. Mr. Grey looks like a creep, and has a constant face of unintelligence and disgust. Anastasia looks really boring.

    PS: The book is so badly written and the author totally overuses the words “murmur” and “flush”. I threw it in the trash halfway through!

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