I have to say, out of all the feelings I have for Game of Thrones, I didn’t think this episode was going to be as great as it seemed. I was excited because the episode was written by G.R.R. Martin, but I think because it was written by Martin, it may have fallen to gratuitous and boring monologues. I personally thought this was going to be an episode with Edmure’s wedding, but it was not. The best part of the entire episode was the scenes with Robb Stark naked and Jaime saving Brienne.

In the North, Jon and Ygritte take on the world together. I’m wondering why the land is suddenly so green right past the wall. It seems like there should be at least some snow. But maybe I’m wrong. Personally, the excessive use of “you know nothing, Jon Snow” is starting to make me cringe, since Jon does know somethings, he knows more of the things past the wall than the Wildlings do. He was raised in a highborn house.

I mean he is the one who understands the difference between an abandoned windmill and a castle keep, though I guess Ygritte has never seen an actual building. So he does know things. He also knows that the Wildlings will fail, given all his past knowledge of their failed sackings. Also, the other warg wildling is jealous of Jon, wishing Ygritte was with her own, but obviously she’s already claimed him via cave sex, so it’s not happening, bro.

Theon, on the other hand, is not enjoying his survival as much as Jon is, after this episode. The weekly scene of Theon being tortured is kind of funny to me, because my roommate keeps asking me why it happens, and I can only reply that Ramsay loves torture. There’s nothing else I can say. Other than he likes torture. And horns apparently. Well, good bye, Theon’s penis, you had a good run.

We find Bran and Jojen in their camp, and learn that Bran plans on going past the wall to find the three-eyed raven. Osha disagrees, she tells a story about her past, seeing her lover turn into a Wight Walker. She tells them her story, and then tells them she will go no further than the wall. Smart woman.

In the Riverlands, we find Robb and Talisa making their way to Walder Frey’s, banging in his tent and flirting with each other, while Edmure sobs into a pillow at his unfortunate life of marrying someone he’s never met. Big news though, Talisa is pregnant. Which is news for me, given what I was expecting from Robb’s lover. Anyways, this departure from the books gives me hope, but I will keep what I have to say at bay since the season is not over yet.

With the Brotherhood, Arya bitterly sits at the campfire, worshiping her god, Death, as the others run off and go hunt Lannisters. Obviously, she thought she was making her way to Riverrun, and at the sound of them going off the path, she makes a run for it. A literal, run for it. It seems she’s lost track of the Brotherhood, but she unwittingly runs into the Hound. I’m pretty sure this is bad news for the Hound and the Hound only.

Elsewhere, in Harrenhal, Jaime says his goodbyes to Brienne and my heart breaks a little more. Jaime has to leave Brienne with Locke, much to his despair. I feel like any scene with Jaime basically solidifies my love of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and his wonderful acting. His expression after he hears Brienne call him Sir Jaime breaks my heart. He leaves and along the road, he learns that Brienne’s father had offered the Boltons 300 gold for his daughter, but had been rejected because they assumed he had massive stores of sapphires. I feel like at the very least Lord Bolton should know that’s a lie…

Anyways, when Jaime finds this out, all bets are off, and he heads back to Harrenhal. He arrives just in time to see Brienne fight a bear, to the tune of the men signing the Bear and the Maiden Fair. Disgusted that she’s been forced to fight with a sword Jaime jumps into the ring and defends Brienne before getting her out of there. Against Lord Bolton’s orders, he takes Brienne with him and leaves. Did I mention this is how I feel about him?

In King’s Landing, Sansa cries. She cries hard. But then Margaery helps her out, by teaching her the ways of the world and easing Sansa into the idea of marrying Tyrion. Which, I’ll be honest, if I had to pick someone to marry in King’s Landing, I’d probably pick Tyrion over 95% of the people. But Sansa had her eyes stuck on gay Loras, which I think Margaery should just do the girl a favor, and reveal her brother’s sexual preferences. Also, while Cersei may call Margaery a trollop, I love her dresses.

Tyrion, also freaks out. Because he might secretly want Sansa, but he feels awkward because she’s a kid and he has to worry about Shae, and also has to worry about being a gentleman. Also I laugh that Bron mentioning Tyrion’s desire for Sansa is an evil notion, because that just makes Tyrion seem like the prude that he secretly kind of is, on the inside. His interaction with Shae is hilarious, though bodes ill for their relationship, and I see bad tidings ahead.

Meanwhile, Tywin seems like he’s had about enough of his grandson. Welcome to the club, Tywin. Joffrey is not updated on the things of his world, though he does seem to know what is happening in Essos. He’s a little worried about Daenerys, which I might say, rightfully so.

Off the coast, Gendry learns of his parentage from Melisandre. For now, it means that Gendry learns he’s worth more than he thought he was. Though if she is bringing him back to Dragonstone, it’s just going to be more competition for Stannis and his desperation. Maybe Shireen will get a friend other than the Onion Knight.

In Essos, Daenerys approaches Yunkai. At this point, I think Jorah is going to have to stop taking her to cities with slaves, since when she hears slaves she just decides that very moment to sack and slaughter the whole city. The emissary from Yunkai comes to visit Dany at her camp, and we learn that dragons are actually just cats with wings. Dany also gets to show off her badass self, in some very sassy moments, basically rejecting all of the emissary’s offers, and keeping the gold he offers her, promising to sack Yunkai.

Next week I freak out that SanSan the Hound is with Arya, and I worry for Gendry’s life.

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