Welcome back, everyone!

Finally a new episode.

Let’s see what’s happening as we count down to the last episode.

Mr. Gold seems to be rethinking his whole “I have to kill Henry” thing. He’s having nightmares about doing just that. Which is good, you know. Probably shouldn’t have the adorable child on a family television show murdered by his own grandfather. Granted we don’t mind having lovable old motherly women thrown from clock towers so. Who knows what’s up. He still seems pretty upset watching Henry, though. Maybe that’s because Henry is totally taking up all of Neal’s free time. Apparently in all of this, too, no one thought to tell Regina that Henry is Neal’s kid and that makes Gold Henry’s grandfather. Regina, of course, thinks it was all a part of Gold’s plan or something but no. Fate pops up in crazy places apparently. Gold seems to think that he actually can change or be a good person for Neal and Henry but Regina is like “Lawl, no.” But now memory wiped Belle seems to think the same and he’s depending on her to help him with the whole goodness thing.

I feel like Once Upon A Time is just setting us all up to knock us down again. Believe in Gold! And then watch him ruin and destroy everything.

But we’re obviously getting at least a vaguely Belle and Gold centered episode because we get some flashback of Belle crying in the castle and Robin Hood breaking into steal a wand or something. Yup. Robin Hood. Not a whole lot of context for that scene though because we go right back to Belle in the hospital and Regina trying to manipulate her and screw over Gold because that’s what Regina does. Meanwhile Greg (Owen) and Neal’s girlfriend are conspiring to ruin everything and find Greg’s dad. Because that’s what they do.

On the plus side, David and Mary show Emma the magic bean crop that Anton grew. He’s all human sized which shocks the shit out of Emma because apparently “magic” as an explanation just escapes her entirely. They also drop the bomb that they both want to go back to the magical world and that they want to take Emma and Henry back with them. Because what they need in their lives are ogres, magic, and evil witches and shit. David, I don’t think what you think of as happy endings really means happy endings for anyone else.

Belle has gone missing from the hospital where Regina gave her a matchbook which apparently reminded her of her past life. Her cursed past life as “Lacey” who is a racey, pool hustling, beauty. Which isn’t like her at all but apparently that was her fake self. Back in the past – the fairytale realm past – Rumple is having a blast torturing Robin Hood. Belle releases him and he tries to get her to go with him but, of course, she won’t go because if she does blah blah ogres will kill her family… Upset, Gold goes to complain to Regina who shrugs and doesn’t care that he’s upset. Apparently True Love’s Kiss could potentially bring back her Belle memories because that the kiss is like magic’s cure all for everything. So now some how Gold has to make “Lacey” fall in love with him or something… yeah. That’s gonna happen. He goes to David asking him to help him get “Lacey” to fall in love with him. In exchange for a favor. Favors are not currency people.

Its funny though because his response is that Gold needs to appeal to what was left of Belle inside fo her. Show her the man she fell in love with or whatever. But who exactly did she fall in love with because I have no idea. Because back in the past Gold forces her to come along as he hunts down the escaped Robin Hood. And in the present David and Gold go to the Rabbit Hole bar to woo “Lacey.” Surprisingly she agrees to go on a date with him and it actually goes fairly well. At least it does until Gold spills some wine or something on her and she goes to the bathroom. Of course then they cut back to the fairytale past wher ehe’s tracking down Robin Hood and planning to kill him. Only to come across the Sheriff of Nottingham who is a horrid drunk and who apparently comes looking for a deal. A night with Belle for Robin Hood’s location. But then he takes the man’s tongue and threatens to keep it if he doesn’t tell him. Well. That’s one way of doing it. They go after Robin Hood in the woods and find him in the woods where he uses a wand he stole from Gold to heal an ill and very pregnant Maid Marian  Gold – seeing that she’s pregnant – lets them go ultimately. Belle is all happy because it shows that there is some good in him. Not much. But some.

Unfortunately Gold can’t find Belle in the present. She never came back. He finds the Sheriff making out with “Lacey” in a back alley. And he realizes that “Lacey” isn’t Belle. And also that “Lacey” has a thing for bad boys. So maybe he’ll wind up wooing her by being a bad guy again. Since that’s all he’s really good at. He takes the Sheriff’s tongue and then basically beats the shit out of him. Which turns “Lacey” on like no other. So, basically, we’re back to Gold being an asshole and probably ultimately planning to kill Henry. Right then.

And then the show tortures us with a scene of Rumple giving Belle the library. (Still, none of this justifies her falling in love with him. I mean shit.)

Henry and Neal apparently spent the whole day hanging out at the park playing with wooden swords. August hung out with them too. Neal seems totally cool with his bro now being like twenty years younger. I suppose he’s seen way weirder things. Emma and Neal share a moment where they sort of talk “hypothetically” about going back to the fairytale world and about how August’s last words were that Storybrooke wasn’t safe. Which leads us back to Greg and Neal’s girlfriend who are continuing to be dastardly and reveal that they’ve had Hook captive all along.

Meanwhile, Regina – in true Regina fashion – figures out that they’ve been planting beans and probably decides to sabotage the project or something. Because we can’t have this story move into just the magical world. What would we do without jumping between four or five timelines and what not.

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