Synopsis: Caroline cleans up Stefan’s murder-y mess while he’s out getting nearly murdered himself. Bonnie tries to contact her dead boyfriend but her cell reception sucks. Kai runs amok before deciding to play hide-and-seek with Elena’s casket.


It’s almost as if the writers heard my complaints about how badly this show sucks and they got their heads back in the game! (If you’re sporty, insert a Patriots/Falcons joke here. I know enough about it to make a vague reference but not enough to pretend like I actually know what happened. DIY blogging folks. It’s collaborative. Discuss in the comments.)

I don’t know what secret sauce the writers dumped on this episode, but it worked. Either that, or I experienced a significant amount of head trauma. Whichever it was, all I know is that I enjoyed myself for 45 minutes instead of vaguely paying attention to the screen and reading Politico articles.

This week on The Vampire Diaries, Kai rolls back into town. He’s been roasting in hell for a while, but he, too, was saved by the Magic Bell. Sorta. 

Turns out that Kai isn’t actually here. He’s stuck with one foot in Mystic Falls and the other in hell. He makes Damon kill some evil people to make sure that he can stay in the human world by satisfying hell’s quota of souls as a tradeoff.

Just like every other time Kai has been ‘trying to help,’ he betrays Damon at the end of the episode. This time, he promises to break Elena’s spell but instead siphons Damon’s magic and steals Elena’s coffin.

In other news, Bonnie gets some psychic training lessons with Cade to try and contact Enzo. Her seismic scream of pain when Enzo died created a whole new realm for his soul, hidden from Cade. It’s whatever. The point is that Bonnie has magic even though she doesn’t really have magic and she got to kiss her dead boyfriend on a weird psychic plane of her own #diy creation. Her Pinterest board must be super interesting.

Rounding up the last of the storylines this week, since Stefan became a human, all his compulsions have worn off. As a result, dozens of people are filing police reports about his murders. Caroline has to spend an exhaustive amount of time cleaning up his mess. In the meantime, one of Stefan’s victim’s family members kidnaps him and tries to kill him. Unfortunately, he survives. Then he proceeds to dump Caroline. 

And just like every time ever involving Stefan, we are reminded that he is terrible. 

Oh, and also the twinspawn are getting out of control with their magic – probably something to do with Kai, but I think I repressed most of that season so I don’t quite remember what happens when there are multiple twinspawn alive at once. 

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