Synopsis: The viewer was thrown for a crazy ride with multiple freaks losing things important to them, secrets about the disappearing freaks coming to light, and Neil Patrick Harris and Jamie Brewer arriving in what has to be the most unnecessary roles possible.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

With only a few episodes left in the series, I don’t know how Ryan Murphy is going to end this on a satisfying note.

Hell, I’ll be honest, I have no idea in general how he plans to end this series. I’m thinking that it’s going to take the “Coven” route at this point, and just kill everyone off until there is a satisfying amount of characters at the end that he can weave a quick explanation about. With the introduction of so many characters over the past season, there hardly has been any time to tell a cohesive story, and this week was just another plot hole waiting to happen. I basically added a star just for the return of Jamie Brewer, who is one of the most disgustingly underused actresses over the course of the show’s run.

We return from our two week break to see that Stanley has promised Jimmy that he would be able to help him pay for a lawyer by simply selling off one of his hands. The entire plan seems to be crafted out of thin air, and Jimmy readily agrees, so of course Stanley has someone ready that moment to transport him to the hospital. When Jimmy wakes up from his surgery though, he’s bereft to discover that both of his hands are now missing (and explains how his hands ended up in the museum where Maggie found them).

Dell discovers that Stanley has pulled this transgression against his son and vows to make him pay. He goes to Amazon Eve, enlisting her services to help him break Jimmy free from the cops and make sure he’s brought back to the show where he belongs. Michael Chiklis was an incredibly needed breath of fresh air on this show – he played Dell, a closeted gay “freak” in the 50’s, to perfection. When he told Jimmy that they were going to buy the show from Elsa and make it their own two-man production, you could feel the love that had been cultivated out of nothing and couldn’t help but feel that maybe Dell really had changed.

Of course... NPH plays the role of a magician... [FX]
Of course… NPH plays the role of a magician… [FX]
But during the very few days that Jimmy had been in jail, the show had changed immensely. Elsa was preparing for her move to Hollywood while the twins were becoming re-acclimated to life in the show. Bette had even dyed her hair back to brunette and seemed to have given up on her dreams of stardom, but the two girls had a whole new plan that they needed the other to fulfill. You see, after being rejected by Jimmy the two decided that they needed to be deflowered and they needed to be deflowered now. While it seemed that no one else would come along that they would both want – or would want them – a charming travelling salesman wanders into the big top and sparks fly.

Well, maybe they were coming from Elsa, who also found the newcomer attractive, but I digress.

Chester (the infamous NPH) is a travelling salesman who can’t be any happier that he’s found a freak show on his route. Chester fancies himself a bit of a magician and all he desires is to be able to perform for the masses. The arrogance and narcissism of the different characters (all who have some sense of fame or loss of it) are out of this world for this season. I thought the girls of last season were crazy for thinking that they were Supreme at some point but damn these people are hell bent on getting their fifteen minutes of fame.

After some discussion with Elsa, who’s still quick to shutdown an idea that she disagrees with even though she’s leaving the show soon, he brings out his trump card and honestly one of the top “WTF” moments of the season – he’s also got a nice ventriloquist dummy… who’s haunted.

Out of all things this season the last thing I expected was a FREAKING HAUNTED DOLL [FX]
I honestly haven’t been the biggest fan of the haunted doll trope ever since I watched “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” when I was a child and cried myself to sleep over an episode where girls were being sucked into a dollhouse to stay there forever. I was a huge fan of the lack of supernatural elements this season though (let’s forget that Edward Mordrake ever happened, and honestly Twisty too because he was just a wasteful Diablous Ex Machina to make Dandy realize his purpose) so having a haunted doll (voiced by Jamie Brewer) almost made me give up. I just have to remember there are only two episodes left, and I just really want to know how Elsa gets to Hollywood at this point.

Elsa is intrigued by the doll and allows him to join, leaving the twins with plenty of time to seduce him. And seduce him they do, much to the dismay of Marjorie (his doll, if you needed to be reminded that there’s now a haunted doll). It also makes Dandy incredibly angry, who has been following the girls to make sure they were behaving well and isn’t too happy that they have been dirtied by Chester, a man with a secret past of his own. When Dandy threatens Marjorie if he touches the twins again, he finds her and promises her that he’ll listen to whatever she says – and she wants the twins dead.

Oh, more happened this week? Well, after seeing the bodies and body parts in the museum Maggie and Desiree decide to bring Ma Petite’s body back and confront Dell about it – who in a fit of panic and extreme guilt, confesses to the murder. Elsa was listening in the background and decides to avenge her favorite’s death – by shooting Dell in the back of the head, giving the best actor on the show his leave.

Things are out of control now guys and I am wondering how they’ll be able to wrap it up. Will they discover Maggie’s link to Stanley? Will Jimmy get prosthetic hands from the man who saved Elsa? Will the twins ever get their happy ending? I don’t think anyone – including Ryan Murphy – knows.

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