Back in November, the creators of the card game for horrible people Cards Against Humanity offered a big followup to the holiday expansion they released in 2012 with the 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit. The concept was simple: You sent in $12 to the people who make this game and in December, they would send you 12 gifts. Only 100,000 of these packages were offered and they were gone within a few hours. Lucky for me, I managed to snag one of them while I was at work.

Of course, as the days ticked towards the shipping out of the first envelopes, people wondered what they were in for. Was it just twelve days of crappy gifts? Did we just give our money to some sort of experimental scam? I mean, these are the same people who raised the price of all their products by $5 on Black Friday.

Well, fear not, because the 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit was mostly pretty awesome. You can see the entire list here, but it won’t include my quick two line reviews. Which is pretty awesome if you want to read those. Yes, fuel my ego…

Envelopes have been cleverly stacked to keep complete strangers from finding where I live.
Envelopes have been cleverly stacked to keep complete strangers from finding where I live.

Day 1: Conspicuous Consumption – The first day was the first of several mini-expansions that were sent out. All the cards were about spending and money around the holidays, with the first one in the pack being “Giving money and personal information to strangers on the Internet.” Point taken, CAH Team. There was also notice about a puzzle behind hidden across the twelve packages, with a note in a 23-Cesarian shift that says “DO NOT THROW AWAY ANYTHING WE SEND YOU.” So far, no one has cracked the code.

Day 2: Coal – Let’s face it, if you ordered this, you probably deserve it somehow. The envelope features two winged turtles humping, and I’m going to be real, it made me laugh like the 12-year-old boy I am known to be sometimes.

Day 3: Interfaith Circle Jerk – Mini-Expansion #2 that’s all about religion and gods. It probably features the most sexually explicit card I have ever seen in the game and this is a game where one of the ultimate trump cards is “Firing a rifle in the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.” Let’s just say it involves an actual interfaith circle jerk of sorts.

Day 4: Clusterfuck! – Of course, not to be outdone by the mental image from the previous day, the creators of the game sent out their new game entitled “Clusterfuck!” Which about “hooking up” with your friends. No actual hooking up is involved I believe, but that could be optional. I haven’t played this game yet, so I hope to have a better review at a later date

Day 5: Your Shitty Family – Mini-Expansion #3 is all about awkward family moments at the holidays. Not the best of the mini-expansions, but it does include a black card I can’t wait to play (“I really hope my grandma doesn’t ask me to explain ____ again”).

Day 6: Post Family Posters – This was a series of posters that the CAH team commissioned to an artist group in Chicago that focuses around their “Kill Cards,” which is the card that will always win the game for them. I didn’t really enjoy this gift, to be honest. I mean, I love art and I love the idea, but the drawings were kind of shitty. Which I guess was the point maybe? I don’t know. I just let this one sit in my drawer unless someone else wants them after the code has been cracked.

Day 7: Elves, etc. – You remember the “Elf Cum” card from last year’s expansion? This mini-expansion is just building on that concept and running away into the night. Also, the envelope features people in swan boats engaging in various sexual acts because of course it does.

Day 8: The Funny Pages – This might have been my favorite of the twelve gifts. Various cartoonists were commissioned to create the world’s wrongest comics page and it is GLORIOUS. My favorite ones belong to Natasha Allegri and Allie Brosch. You can read them all here and be jealous of the fact I have them all printed on paper.

Natasha and Pancake are my favorites. []
Natasha and Pancake are my favorites. []
Day 9: A Cringing Look Back at 2013 – You can tell that this is where the creators got tired of writing holiday jokes, but it’s worth it for the black card about the pope and “Having a strong opinion about Obamacare.” Once again, the envelope wins though for the nine ladies dancing being versions of Beyonce in the ‘Single Ladies’ video.

Day 10: Donors Choose – Much like how the team donated the money they got from the Holiday Expansion to Wikipedia, they decided this year to take one dollar from every purchase and donate it to Donors Choose. They break down how the $100,000 was spent here and while it is completely and totally amazing, the actual child’s drawing that thanks Cards Against Humanity for the books is a bit disconcerting considering the fact we tell a lot of my friends’ kids they can’t play with us due to how explicit the game can get. Still, yay education!

Day 11: Five Cards That Have Nothing To Do With The Holidays – This expansion wins them all just for having my new favorite card: “A simultaneous nightmare and wet dreaming starring Sigourney Weaver.”

Day 12: Your own card – Yep, the final day was receiving a card with your name on it. My friends think mine goes best with “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?” Which I kind of have to agree with because I’m fairly certain that’s what my family actually thinks of me.

Also acceptable for "Why am I sticky?"
Also acceptable for “Why am I sticky?”

Did you also receive the 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit? What were your favorite gifts?

Leave a Reply