I thought that at some point over break I would be able to sit down and write an awesome rundown of what had happened this season on American Horror Story: Asylum and what was coming for the last few episodes. It’s not that I didn’t have time. I had plenty of time. I just had no idea what to write. I still have no idea to write.

This s how is so erratic and screwed up it’s hard to put it all in words.

Let’s look at what we’ve got so far:

  • serial killers in 2012
  • serial killers in the 1960s
  • demonic possession
  • aliens
  • Nazis
  • Anne Frank (what?)
  • zombies
  • nuns
  • the Catholic Church
  • angels of death
  • lesbians
  • Adam Levine
  • Evil Santa Clause (played by Ian McShane!)
  • interracial marriage
  • creepy kids
  • nymphomania
  • sterilization
  • exorcisms
  • crucifixions

Oh yeah. And the crazy people in the asylum just in general.

Don’t get me wrong: the crazy is pretty awesome. The show moves quickly from one story line to the other and there’s not a whole lot of down time. Unfortunately it also means that certain story lines don’t get revisited for episodes at a time. And sometimes it means that we don’t really find certain things out until the series is more than half way over. It adds a sense of mystery and surprise, certainly, but it can also be frustrating at times.

Honestly, I think its one of the best shows on TV right now. Ryan Murphy has redefined horror on television with this ever changing ensemble series. And he’s certainly upped the ante from last season. While I liked the first season it seemed campy and just stagnant at times. Season two is a nonstop thrill ride. Though, like I said before, it’s a little disjointed almost tries to do too much. And season two can be a little frustrating.

With four episodes to go pretty much every single story has yet to be resolved.

So where did we leave everyone back in December?

Well, Kit is still at Briarcliff accused of being Bloody Face though we all know by this point that it was actually. Dr. Threadson. All we really know about the whole alien plot is that his wife was abducted by aliens, she’s pregnant, and that the aliens have essentially tagged Kit like an animal in the wild and are very invested in his continued existence. Which we only know because – hey – the crazy Nazi doctor fake killed him. (And apparently we’re not going to revisit that whole Nazi storyline because he lobotomized Anne Frank. Also, he’s bros with Satan or something.) We do not know why they are after him, what’s up with Grace’s alien baby, or anything else. I assume, though, that the resolution of his storyline will probably be that he’s going to be abducted himself. But then why did the aliens leave behind the suddenly super pregnant Grace? Who knows! Kit needs to stop impregnating people. Or maybe he needs to impregnate more so we can figure it out.


We now know, too, that Dylan McDermott’s character is the new Bloody Face (so I was totally right when I called it that he’d be Bloody Face just wrong about which Bloody Face) and that he’s the child of Lana and Thredson. Or so we assume. Though considering the only other option is that he’s Kit’s alien baby and just thinks that Kit was Bloody Face like everyone else, it’s probably Lana’s kid. Dylan McDermott is many things but passably multiracial is not one of them. Thredson also escaped so in theory we’ve still got the real bloody face out there too though I somehow doubt it. Instead, I think we’re going to see Zachary Quinto die violently at some point in the next few episodes.

Next few episodes… all we have are a few more episodes!

And no one is in a very good position to be entering these last few episodes.

Monsignor Joseph Fiennes is hanging from a crucifix with the angel of death coming for him. Sister Jude is still an inmate at her own asylum. Sister Mary Eunice is still possessed by a demon which no one seems to realize except Nazi Doctor Arden. But they’re totally bros so it’s fine. We still don’t have any real answers to the zombie thing. Or why no one realizes they are there.  Also, is crazy Santa on the loose or something if the monsignor is hanging from a cross? Honestly, he might be in the best position right now because hey. He’s not technically locked up and he’s getting to kill people just like he likes! Also I guess Grace isn’t dead so that’s good, too.

My biggest question though: Where is Teresa? Remember Teresa? Adam Levine’s girlfriend? Yeah. She went missing back in like episode six or something when we found all the Bloody Face imposters hung from the ceiling and poor, beautiful Adam Levine dead and missing an arm. (Ryan Murphy says Adam Levine might come back later in the series but I’m assuming it’s only in a flashback because c’mon. He’s so obviously dead.)

Did any of this make sense to you? No? Well, you’re not alone. This series doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

And it only has four episodes left to explain EVERYTHING.

Or at the very least wrap up the story line in a frustratingly unsatisfying manner.

American Horror Story comes back TOMORROW NIGHT. HOLY CRAP! I hope you’re ready for more crazy, aliens, nuns, murder, and unanswered questions. I sure am.

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