In a war for your species’ survival, how many different ways can there be to kick the bucket? I’m no history expert, nor am I a mathematical savant so I won’t even try to guess that number. Although, I can say that some ways are far worse than others. We’re talking more literary self-destruction than Game of Thrones. That being said, join me as I recount the eight worst ways to die on Attack on Titan.
Spoiler alert. There’s going to be titans, lots and lots of titans.
8. Killed by a Regular Human
Not only do we have to worry about titans going through our towns like all you can eat buffets, but we have to worry about safety from fellow humans as well. We can’t be very surprised since apocalyptic events equate to apathy between humans, but it still sucks and the protagonists face some irreversible trauma from it.
7. Equipment FAIL
What’s that? Your blades are broken or dull? You’re dead. Your 3D maneuvering is malfunctioning? You’re dead. Your equipment is perfectly fine, but a titan has gotten hold of your wire and proceeded to swing you around like the world’s fleshiest yo-yo? I think you get the idea by now.
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the amount of fear and hopelessness you must be consumed by to see blowing your head off your shoulders as a better option. Most of us will never know that suffering, but it’s a pretty common state of mind in titan-land.
5. Squished by Debris
No death is fun, especially in the midst of a battle. Still, what could be worse than being completely taken out of the fight by debris? We shape it and form it to our preference. In fact, we created it. IT’S NOT EVEN AN ANIMATE OBJECT!!
4. Squished by Titan
Oh, I know what could be worse than being squished by debris: being squished by a titan. Titans eat humans, that’s just what they do. It’s as natural to them as breathing, so when a titan resorts to flattening you like a fly on the wall, where’s the dignity in that? It’s hard to imagine a death less human or void of respect. At least it’s an instant one.
3. Eaten by Titan
Remember when I said, eating humans was natural to titans. Well, yeah, they won’t hesitate to treat you like a happy meal with legs. Being eaten by a titan is practically never a quick or painless death. Imagine how slowly you chew your food and what happens to it if you swallow without chewing. It’d be unimaginable agony to be alive for either of those, yet countless humans in the Attack on Titan world have met just this fate.
2. Starved to Death
Never mind the comical representation. If we’re talking about slow and painful deaths, starving would have to be on the top of that list. I can hardly bear starving for a few hours, much less however long it’d take to die from starvation. I won’t research it, but let us know what you find out.
While death by titan is horrible, at least you’re generally safe within the walls of civilization. There’s nowhere you can go in a post-apocalyptic world where you’d be completely free from the possibility of starvation. It’s a fairly grisly way to go, regardless of the lack of gore or viciousness it involves.
1. Off-Screen Death
Of course, no death in the series can top the infamous off-screen death. Usually, dying in such a way would equate to a meaningless end that no one would remember. So how is it that Marco’s death managed to carry so much meaning and evoke such sadness? Beats me, but that’s the magic of Attack on Titan. The creators consistently find a fresh, ingenious way to yank on your heartstrings when they need to.
The death we all experience at life’s end is both on-screen and off-screen. We’re the protagonists of our own lives, while simultaneously side characters in the lives of some and non-existent in the lives of others. What do you think about that?
What did you think about Attack on Titan‘s methods of clearing their inventory? Did we miss any? Leave a comment and let us know. We’d love to hear it.