Archer Vice: A Debt of Honor (5×03)

Summary: Pam’s newfound cocaine addiction leads to her cheating the Yakuza out of a million dollars worth of amphetamines. This, of course, leads to problems for her and everyone else.

Rating: ★★★★☆

Now this is beginning to really look like the balls to the wall insanity I’m expecting from this season.

Reeling from being cheated out of a million dollars worth of cocaine and Pam eating a small portion of the stock, the ISIS drug runners are trying to figure out their next steps. Which will probably be trying to get some weapons because there’s only a few guns left between the field agents and no ammo whatsoever. Of course, all of their arms dealer contacts are hilariously out of date.

Meanwhile, needing to keep the coke away from Pam, Cyril locks it up in the kitchen pantry because despite all the other weirdness in Cheryl’s family manor, there isn’t “a giant Scrooge McDuckian vault.” However, like the idiot he is, he doesn’t lock up the rather convincing counterfeit bills and Pam runs off with them in a coke-fueled idea fest.

Of course, by the time the rest of ISIS realizes that the counterfeit money is gone, Pam comes back with a million dollars worth of amphetamines that she “bought” off the Yakuza. If this pisses off ISIS to no end, you can pretty much imagine how the Yakuza reacts to Shiroi Kabocha cheating them out of a million dollars worth of amphetamines. And since Pam is a sex hound, the Yakuza find her pretty quickly.

DISCRETION, PAM. [facebook.com]
DISCRETION, PAM. [facebook.com]
After much delaying on the phone call from Mr. Moto (voiced by George Takei) and one potshot at John Bonham from Krieger after Lana threatens to rip out Pam’s collarbones and play ‘Moby Dick’ on her head, Pam relays that the guy who sold her the amphetamines has been dissolved in acid and that Moto wants his drugs back. Also, he wants Pam’s head since this became a debt of honor the moment fake money was brought in. Cheryl tries to negotiate payment with the Yakuza to shut everyone up, but it ends with her in a not surprisingly racist rage since they won’t take her money because honor. Malory entertains the idea of letting the Yakuza kill Pam, but Lana won’t hear it. However, they do need to protect the house and they have no ammo.

Cheryl tells them otherwise and leads them to the giant armory upstairs that her Grandpa maintained until he got into model trains. The weapons may be old, but it’s the best they got. Lana begins to strategize, but Archer being the way he is decides to start breaking windows and preparing himself to shoot. Lana reminds him that will have the cops on them in minutes and begins to yell at him about shooting out the window, but for once, it wasn’t him. It was the Yakuza sniper across the street and he just shot Malory’s husband Ron in the stomach. Panic ensues since there’s no way for them to get Ron out of the house except the front door.

Except for the tunnels under the house.

Yeah, Cheryl’s eccentric family saves the day again because one of her great uncles created a series of underground tunnels to find the Underground Railroad and capture fugitive slaves. In 1890. Man, the Tunt family is weird.

At this point, Cheryl's desire to become a country start is goddamn normal. [facebook.com]
At this point, Cheryl’s desire to become a country start is goddamn normal. [facebook.com]
Still, that weirdness is going to save everyone involved because Cheryl, Cyril, and Pam take Ron through the tunnels to the hospital so he won’t continue to bleed all over the ocelot pelt (that thankfully isn’t Babou) in the armory or die and Archer uses it to hatch a plan to negotiate with Mr. Moto.

Which surprisingly works! Even with the escaping into a service tunnel, crawling out by a stopped bus, and punching out a chauffeur. In the back of his car, Archer holds an audience with the head of the Yakuza by making him deaf, listing every negative Japanese stereotype he knows, and negotiating a sweet deal to get him to lift the Debt of Honor on Pam. Which is that Moto will get his drugs back, keep the counterfeit money and Pam gets to live or he dies. Moto accepts, but can’t leave until he makes it look like his idea. This ends with the ISIS crew having to give him five million dollars worth of cocaine. Despite her husband being okay, this makes Malory even madder because they are losing product faster than they can sell it. Well, I would be too, but on my end, it makes for hilarious TV to see the worlds most inept spies also be the world’s most inept coke dealers.

There was a LITTLE bit of a win here though. Before Malory broke Woodhouse's phone. [facebook.com]
There was a LITTLE bit of a win here though. Before Malory broke Woodhouse’s phone. [facebook.com]
There’s also character moments of Woodhouse being trapped in the gym and Ray being a drunk and sad cyborg that make for some awesomely terrible schadenfreude.

This episode definitely feels like the beginning of some sweet craziness. With Pam being a total cokehead, the Yakuza taking five million worth in coke and Archer showing off his ability to be smooth, it feels like the ISIS drug cartel might be in business soon. Of course, that all depends on if anyone actually WANTS them to be or if they can get any freaking guns.


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