“Sharknado 2: The Second One” premiered on SyFy on July 3oth and literally nothing matters beyond that. Sharknado has become such a large part of our culture that the second one had to be bigger and more ridiculous than the first- and while the stakes don’t seem as high as the first, all the crazy shark moments we have come to love were still there.

Spoilers up ahead obviously, don’t get mad if I ruin a death or plot “twist” for you.

I never thought I would see this melange of people on my screen before. And I bet you never thought you'd see the word "melange" in a Sharknado post.
Sharknado, you beautiful, beautiful creation.

1. Celebrity Cameos (and subsequent deaths).

Wil Wheaton, Kelly Osbourne, and Robert Hayes all die within the first five minutes of the movie in glorious fashion. Sharknados can happen anywhere folks, even when you’re simply about to land a plane in New York. Probably the cheekiest cameo though (other than Judd Hirsch playing a taxi driver) was Daymond John of “Shark Tank” fame. (Shouts out to my dad for recognizing half of these quicker than me, including Kurt Angle and Billy Ray Cyrus! And this isn’t even half of the people you’ll see.)

2. The Theme Song.

Just listen to it. That’s all you need.

3. Puns.

Everything that is uttered in this movie is gold. Don’t believe me? Mark McGrath (who knows his character’s name, I just figured it was him playing himself cause isn’t that how it goes?) utters this beautiful line after Fin hops across shark infested water while emulating Frogger: “He jumped the shark.”

4. Matt Lauer and Al Roker.

Yes they deserve their own section. The two seem to be on screen longer than even Tara Reid and just seeing them deliver their lines about the sharknados approaching the city made me laugh like a maniac. Seeing how pained Matt Lauer was when he uttered the infamous word compared to Al Roker’s enthusiasm made me beam like a child. They also have the best death of the program- just watch the ending.

5. The Weapons.

I don’t know if I want to go and chill in New York after seeing all the people carry around deadly weapons in the trunks of their cars. Machete? Pitch fork? Multiple chainsaws? That one group of guys who just had a trunk full of semi automatic rifles made me more scared of mob activity than “The Departed”. Nothing tops the weapon that Tara Reid uses at the end of the movie*, except for the standard chainsaw that has become a trademark of the series.

Best way to get a crowd hyped- kill the one flying shark in the area.
Best way to get a crowd hyped? Kill the one flying shark in the area.

*Tara Reid’s weapon is a rotary saw that is attached to where her hand used to be before it was bit off by a shark in the first five minutes of the movie, I can’t make this up.

6. Science.

In the first film they destroyed the tornado with heat but now it’s so cold and there are two tornados from two different fronts converging together so this time they had to make it even colder than the sharknado. In the third film (which is already confirmed) I’m going to assume they need it to be lukewarm. And did you know that meteorologists from the Weather Channel determined that it was raining at a rate of “two inches of shark an hour?” Are these sharks puréed? Flattened? How do you determine two inches of shark? These are serious questions I need answers to.

7. The Ending.

I’ll admit, the death of the main female character of this film (don’t tell me it was Tara Reid’s April we all know it was Vivica A. Fox’s Sky) peeved me off after the film depicted her as so important and strong during the chaos only to have her eaten in the end in a pretty boring send off. Heck, the jerk boyfriend of April in the first film got a cooler death than Sky. But I digress.

Let’s just say if my hand ever gets eaten off by a shark my boyfriend better find that shark, find my hand, and re-propose with the ring that’s still chilling on that hand or it’s over. And if flaming sharks don’t set off a truck of fireworks in NYC while I stand on the Empire State  I’ll be disappointed. I have high expectations, obviously.

Until the next!

Basically, Sharknado 2 is a wild ride and you all need to watch it. It’s just a ridiculous show from start to finish, from the stadium full of happy Mets fans to the “action” scenes and more. Sharknado has firmly secured itself in pop culture and I cannot wait until I get to sit down with my usually stoic father and hear his snide remarks about the third film.

What did you think was the best moment? Let’s discuss it all below! Any guesses for the next segment’s plot, title, and the family drama that Fin needs to have? I wanna hear your thoughts, so let’s get to chatting!

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