Machete Kills

machete1Release Date: October 11, 2013
Cast: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofía Vergara, Amber Heard, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Demián Bichir
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Studio: Quick Draw Productions
Distributor: Open Road Films
Genre(s): Action, Exploitation, Comedy
Based On Machete fake trailers (Grindhouse)

Rating: ★★★☆☆
Review Spoilers: Light
IMDB | Rotten Tomatoes | Wikipedia

Lady Gaga, Mel Gibson, and Charlie Sheen (Carlos Estevez), oh my!

So, let me tell you what I loved and what I not-so-loved about this movie.


What I Loved

  1. Danny Trejo
    Seriously this man could be just walking in silence in the movie, and I would be content. He’s got some serious badass-charisma. A man of few words, Machete let his actions speak on their own, and man did those actions scream. He’s got a few funny one-liners, but he spends most of the movie hacking away at injustice and corruption, while still managing to seem mildly unamused by it all. A+ as always to this man.
  2. Hyper-Violence
    So, I’ve said on multiple occasions that sometimes I enjoy a little hyper-violence in my media. I don’t mean gorey torture scenes that are meant to make you scared and uncomfortable, but just exploitation-level blood spill. Machete has delivered that, and Machete Kills brought us our seconds. Honestly, the fact that the overkill is so absurd is what made it funny. You want a helicopter killing people? You got it.
  3. Guest Stars
    Ensemble casts are my jam. I love seeing people I love just together and being in a movie. Getting to see La Chameleón as Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr, Antonio Banderas, and Lady Gaga was the best part of the movie. Sofía Vergara’s crotch pistol was absurdly hilarious. Charlie Sheen’s US President made me want to salute a bottle of Patron. Mel Gibson’s Voz made me forget his antisemitism. The list of great actors is endless. The Machete series has never shied away from “controversial” stars, and they showed those controversies did not affect their ability to act. You’ll hear a lot of smack from the critics that it’s a “dull” movie. But for a person who loves a little bloody action and some famous faces, this was great.
  4. Mexican Humor
    I grew up in the Southwest, and if you watch a lot of TV and movies you realize that the southwest isn’t really seen often. I mean, sure we have Breaking Bad, and I guess a slew of shows set in Texas, but damn there aren’t many. This movie captures some pretty hilarious scenes that demonstrate a subtlety in Mexican humor and jokes.
  5. Machete Kills Again!
    Ok, Machete in space? HELL YES. Man, I’d pay to see that right now if I could. There’s not much to say about it other than it sounds AWESOME.


What I Not-So-Loved

  1. Repetitive
    The film followed a lot of the same things that the first movie had, and in the end, it felt like Machete all over again. I mean, it’s not really bad, but for anyone searching for something different, they wouldn’t have gotten it. It’s very much just Machete killing again. At least the next one seems like it’s going to be in space.
  2. Not Enough Michelle Rodriguez
    Robert, I know you have a story to move forward, but can we include more Luz next time? She’s my favorite revolutionary! We need a little more of her. Her fight scene with Amber Heard was awesome! But it looks like she is going to be a bigger part of the next movie, which I am obviously pumped for.
  3. Alexa Vega and Vanessa Hudgens.
    I didn’t hate them in this, honestly. I just can’t get the image of young Gabriella singing with Troy out of my head, or Carmen Cortez with her brother solving crimes. It took me a second to realize they were the kids that were once my contemporaries. And now they were playing whores.


That’s about it. There’s not much I didn’t like, I just expected it all as I was going into the movie. Anyone who expected something drastically different was kidding themselves. I went in expecting a fun time and left with a smile on my face. Danny Trejo plays the Mexican superhero armed with nothing but his brain and his brawn.

Final Thoughts: Went in expecting for a lot of laughs and bloody action, and I left with just what I wanted, plus a little taste of the next movie. It’s a cult classic waiting to happen. What more could an exploitation movie lover ask for?

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