Synopsis: It’s a filler episode, folks. The Siren plays some mind games while Alaric plays around with a tuning fork.
This is the last season of TVD – so why in the sweet, loving name of Siren purgatory are we overstuffing it with piping hot filler? Seriously. If I wanted to watch some pasty white dudes with savior complexes fight each other, I’d tune into CSPAN.
Anyway, most of the episode is spent watching the Siren mess around with Damon and Enzo’s minds (do we sense a trend this season??). Inevitably, she gets bored and makes them fight each other. It’s a way more boring version of Fight Club where Stefan and Friends have to intervene before one of them kills the other.
Mostly she forces Bonnie to choose which zombie she’d like the Siren to spare, and when Bonners chooses Enzo over Damon, the Siren makes them stop fighting.
After that wraps, the Siren leverages Enzo’s relationship with Bonnie to get him to turn off his humanity switch. (Side note: ‘humanity switch’ is probably the silliest phrase this show has coined.) Now, he’s a faithful servant to the Siren, just like Damon, who she keeps alive just for kicks.
In the meantime, Alaric spends his time playing with the mysterious cuneiform artifact he found in the Siren’s creepy little crypt. Ric is perplexed, much like his hot graduate student whose name I don’t remember and don’t feel like looking up. We’ll call her No Value Added.
So he and No Value Added run around trying to figure out what this mystical object does. It’s a tuning fork, Ric. I know you have your doctorate in Mystical Stuff but literally have you never been in a science class or music class ever? Because it shouldn’t take your witchy twin 3 year olds banging the thing against a table and 45 minutes to figure out that the object made out of metal with two tines is not, in fact, Satan’s pitchfork. So dumb.
As soon as our boy Ric figures this out, he rushes over and incapacitates the Siren with the tuning fork. Unfortunately for all parties involved, the Siren can still mind control Damon and Enzo from an Armory padded cell, because apparently the vibrations of her song can travel literally tens of miles to screw with both of them.
So, we’re right where we started except now we know the Siren is deathly afraid of in-tune instruments.