Archer Vice: Filibuster/Arrivals/Departures (5×12-13)

Summary: After Cyril becomes the president of San Marcos, Archer decides to escape prison and join up with the rebels. However, this leads to him learning where the cocaine really came from. Meanwhile, Krieger fights against his clones to stop a nerve gas missile from launching and Lana goes into labor.

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

The insanity that is Archer Vice has come to an end. Was it worth the total shakeup that Adam Reed and the team delivered? Let’s find out.

Can you really grow a beard like that in three weeks? I'm not a dude, so I have no clue. [Facebook]
Can you really grow a beard like that in three weeks? I’m not a dude, so I have no clue. [Facebook]
The episode picks up three weeks after the end of ‘Palace Intrigue, Part II.’ Archer has been imprisoned by Cyril along with Calderon and Julianna. Archer is dying to bust out and join the rebels, but Lana warns him against it since Cyril is REALLY good at strategizing thanks to playing a hell of a lot of Warhammer. Raise your hand if you’re surprised.

Cyril is also being a massive creeper and forces Julianna to marry him. Ewwww. Lana, what did you ever see in this loser? He’s also being completely power hungry, but Lana points out to him that he’s basically the Vader to Malory’s Palpatine. Which is a reference no one understands and turns into a really weird fake biblical moment. I gotta love this show where the most basic pop culture references are the ones the characters don’t get.

Anyway, Cherlene being Cherlene gets herself thrown in jail with Archer and Calderon, but the girl is smart enough to sneak the key with her and help the two escape. They decide to join the rebels, but not before breaking out a tiger named Shane out of his prison…

…Which then promptly eats Calderon. Because that’s how this show works.

Someone in this car is going to be eaten by a tiger. [Facebook]
Someone in this car is going to be eaten by a tiger. [Facebook]
So with Calderon devoured by a tiger while trying to justify being a totalitarian dictator, Archer and Cherlene decide to go ahead with the escape to the rebel base at the airport. Which probably would have gotten them killed by the rebels if it wasn’t for the fact Cherlene is their total darling. Instead, they are taken to the rebel leaders who are… Agent Holly and Slater?!

Yeah, the rebellion in San Marcos and the ISIS cocaine was all a part of a CIA plan to use up their annual budget. So inapprops, guys.

(Did I mention that Pam is addicted to cocoa leaves now and trying to make “inapprops” a thing? You do have a problem, Ms. Poovey.)

Gross. [Facebook]
Gross. [Facebook]
While this is all happening, Krieger starts feeling a bit apprehensive about his clone brothers, especially with them trying to launch a nerve gas missile to god knows where. He tries to fight them and ends up killing them, but the launch sequence is still initiated. Of course, after this, it’s a little ambiguous which Krieger actually survives: the real Krieger or one of his clones. He still wants to avoid certain death and destruction, but he can’t remember anyone’s names properly and uses the excuse that he has a concussion. Hmmm… That’s probably a problem for next season. At least the outdoor lighting in these sequences is freaking gorgeous.

When the launch sequence is accidentally sped up, Lana declares that it’s time to get Archer out of prison. Except that he’s already escaped and she makes the decision to go after him in a high class sports car, flipping Cyril the bird the entire way. Because of course she does.

The fact no one has made a gif of this part yet is a travesty.
The fact no one has made a gif of this part yet is a travesty.

Lana makes it to the airport unscathed, but learns the truth as soon as she gets there. Of course, this is when the CIA boys launch Operation Dropkick aka the American invasion of San Marcos and then tell Lana that Archer was behind the cocaine selling.

All while she’s going into labor.

Yeah, with a baby on the way, a nerve gas missile that’s about to launch, and America about to bomb the fuck out of San Marcos, there’s a race against time on all fronts for the ISIS team. Not to mention that Lana has a gun and is about ready to shoot Archer in the face for supposedly betraying her trust all while he tries to be a doula for her all while refusing to look at her vagina.

Thankfully, Pam’s farm experience and Malory’s coolness under pressure saves the day on this end.

Cherlene is the least helpful. Also, the character detail of the blood shot eyes is a nice touch. [Facebook]
Cherlene is the least helpful. Also, the character detail of the blood shot eyes is a nice touch. [Facebook]
Not to mention Krieger realizing they can just take out the nerve gas canister and take it with them on their way out of San Marcos along with every bit of money they stole from the palace. That’s some cargo for sure.

Malory manages to strike a deal with Holly to get ISIS reinstated and tells Lana the truth that she was behind the deal the entire time and never told Archer. Looks like all’s well that ends well for the team.

Oh, and Lana’s baby Abijean? The one that came from a sperm donor? Yeah, well, it’s Archer’s. Bet you forgot they kept some of his sperm on ice when he had cancer because I certainly did. I can’t really blame the guy for zoning out and asking if he just woke up from an eight month coma after saving Lana’s life during ‘Sea Tunt.’

Welp. [Facebook]
Welp. [Facebook]
Well, that’s it for Archer Vice. I’m kind of sad to see it go in a weird way. I think the experiment of shaking up the character’s lives was a good one and I’m glad they did it, but I feel like there was a lot more they could have done with it. I would have loved to have seen a bigger role for Cherlene or more international shenanigans. In fact, the whole Cherlene aspect felt like such a waste and that makes me really sad. Why did Cheryl have this drive to become a Country singer? Did she pick up any play outside of San Marcos? Is she going to try and keep her career next season? Aww dukes, I just want any excuse for Jessy Lynn Martens to come back.

We got about a year until season six when Archer reverts back to a spy show. We’ll see what Adam Reed and Floyd County Productions have for us then.


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